Why Do We Root for TV’s Most Toxic Couples?

Why Do We Root for TV’s Most Toxic Couples?

Every romance enthusiast knows a little drama is all part of the fun. Whether it's a never-ending will-they-won't-they or a rollercoaster on-again-off-again trope, it’s all the more satisfying when the pair finally gets their happy ending. My latest binge, Tell Me Lies, has a little bit of everything, but not in the way you might think. The show follows a turbulent college relationship between Lucy Albright and Stephen DeMarco, but instead of rooting for them against all odds, you wish they had never crossed paths. Their relationship is the poster child for toxic relationships, which the show actively warns the audience to identify and avoid. In mainstream media, I had never seen such a raw, destructive portrayal of a toxic relationship, making it refreshing but also eye-opening. I thought back to popular TV show pairings, and all the so-called iconic couples had me side-eyeing their relationships… especially considering they all ended up together. 

Your Favorite Couples Are Actually Toxic…

Imagine my surprise when the first three couples that came to mind, Chuck and Blair, Big and Carrie, and Ross and Rachel, were not actually “relationship goals,” but quite the opposite. 

Starting with the Upper East Siders' favorite enemies-to-lovers, Chuck and Blair had the best chemistry, along with the worst relationship problems. In the literal first episode, Chuck tries to force himself on Serena and Jenny (great way to establish a main character, by the way), and throughout the show, he demeans and manipulates Blair, even going so far as to trade her to save his hotel. Yikes. 

On to my personal favorite, (don't quote me on that), Big and Carrie from Sex and the City. Although they end up married, even after Big was a no-show at the wedding, their relationship is defined best by commitment issues (courtesy of Big), anxious attachment style (courtesy of Carrie), and simultaneous affairs (courtesy of both). To make matters worse, when they’re finally married, Big requests a “few days off,” so they could both have their weekly space from each other… how romantic. 

Lastly, the blueprint for on-and-off relationships: Ross and Rachel from Friends. I’ll be honest, I’ve never watched Friends all the way through, but I know enough plot points to suggest these two were not the best for each other. Between the “we were on a break” debacle, the pros and cons list, Ross saying Rachel’s name at the altar, and them ultimately reconciling with a baby girl, it doesn’t seem like the most stable relationship. 

“It’s Just a Show”... Or is it?

While chaotic relationships are admittedly more fun to watch unfold, it’s important to remember that these dynamics should not be the norm. Yes, TV shows are intended for entertainment purposes, not to teach life lessons, but they should take some responsibility for the toxicity they romanticize. Let’s face it, most TV relationships hinge on the belief that if you stick it out long enough, the man will eventually change, come running back with his tail between his legs, and all is forgiven. What message does this send to audiences, especially women? It seems to me that they’re depicting romantic love as something that should be earned through suffering when it should be unconditional. 

On the other hand, Tell Me Lies avoids romanticizing its flawed characters and provides context for their behaviors. Apart from the troubled relationship that drives the show, it also touches on themes of family trauma, grief, mental illness, and how they directly influence the characters’ actions. However, instead of using these backgrounds as excuses, it explains how unhealthy relationship patterns develop and why red flags should be taken seriously. The show is essentially a flashing neon sign for how to detect and steer clear of toxic relationships, and in a media landscape where trading girlfriends for hotels is redeemable, I appreciate its existence. 

So… Can We Still Root for Them? 

All this to say, TV shows are not where we should get our couple inspo from, much less our standards. There’s obviously nothing wrong with rewatching a show and rooting for the destructive couple or the morally gray character, as long as we’re aware that it’s purely entertainment. Nowadays, there are many shows similar to Tell Me Lies, such as You, Normal People, and Euphoria, which prioritize realism over romanticism. While they’re not the most uplifting, they’re definitely bringing awareness and starting important conversations about topics we barely see in the media. And the good news is that when we need a break from being socially aware, our favorite unlikely couples and cliche dramas will always be there to revisit.